Misery by Winnie Koros 

Misery by 

Winnie Koros 

 

It is 6.30 in the evening. She is seated alone at the balcony, witnessing the magnificent sunset
happening in front of her. The big orange ball slowly going down and down and it set into
the horizon making the sky absolutely stunning leaving behind a great brightness in several
colours, shades and patterns. The birds flying before the sunset binding the sun a goodbye,
welcoming a calm night. The wind whistled through the trees bringing with it the laughter of
her husband who once lived there, thoughts of him made her shiver a little, her being,
dominated by profound sadness, guilt and fatigue engraved on her worn face. The sorrows
grew profound each year she spent in her quiet lonely house, the solemn wall reviving the
memory of her losing the babies. She is empty inside, all that remained was the deceiving
hollow soul that reflected in the stained glass window, the marks leaving no room to see her
true self.

The loss of the second baby, made her become a shell of a woman, Sharon lost her first baby
after two years into marriage, she recalled the day vividly, her husband Josh was still at
work when she felt a sharp pain at the back, a sharp scream followed, she crawled to the
bedroom to pick the phone to call her husband, Josh rushed home and found her massively
bleeding, took her to hospital but the pregnancy was already terminated. Unfortunately, this
repeated itself after a year. Sharon and her husband went to see a gynaecologist, he confirmed
that she could not carry the pregnancy to term. From that moment, the loud laughter that
could be heard in their home was replaced by silence, the house once filled with love was full
of hatred.

Eventually, Josh decided to leave, she is left alone in a big house, her heart in anguish and
pain, she recalled when she met josh at an event in Naivasha. He was in black suit, white shirt, and a red tie, he was charmingly good-looking, he widely smiled as he approached her. He could not fail to notice her, she wore to kill that day, was in an off shoulder black dress with a front slit.

‘Hey beautiful, you look amazing today’, he told her.

That is exactly what he wanted to hear from him, it was love at first sight, love blossomed
into more love and they got married after a year of life. Now, Sharon is empty without Josh,
life has brought her darkness and misery, the dream come through marriage has fallen apart.
Sharon blamed herself for the miscarriages, the guilt of the hidden secret was killing her, her
earlier deed has come to haunt her she thought so. She remembered the man who supposedly
ruined her innocent life. He took her purity when she was in her second year.

Sharon joined campus in the year 2014, accompanied by her mother. It is the same day that
she met mercy. Her parents were not rich but comfortable. Her first year was so exciting;
partying, clubbing, travelling and adventure. After a year of friendship, Sharon met David,
mercies’ uncle. Mercy made all the arrangements, lured her into meeting him at Bellavista, a
famous club in Kisii on a particular Friday night.

David was dark old man, not very old, about 50 years, not good looking, quite charming but
most importantly rich. After several days of outings, pampering, being picked and dropped in
hostel, Sharon had fallen for the trap. She was aware of him being married with three kids but
ignored it. After all, students rolling with old age men ‘sponsors’ had become a norm.
‘There is nothing I liked about him, had to do it for money’, she said.

She first thought she enjoyed live, taken out every weekend to nearby towns, Kisii Kisumu,
Homabay and Migori. But she later realised that their connection revolved majorly on
drinking and sex. After Six months, Sharon became sick, went to hospital only to confirm she was pregnant. She was in great shock; trembling in tears. When she broke the news to David,
he, without a blink said that she needed to get it out and with immediate effect since he did
not any issue with his family.

The day came, she seated on a plastic chair in the dark corridor waiting to have an abortion.
She was only 22, confused and alone. Fear gripped her when she finally lies on the
gynaecological examination table. The process was slow and painful, she felt as if she was
being chopped by a razor into tiny pieces. She could not bear the pain, she covered her face
with her top and sobbed in it for all the time they were inside her. She bled all right there on
the floor, the flow was dark and think, she wished it would stop.

‘I was in anguish knowing that I killed the baby. The physical pain was nothing compared to
emotional pain’, she sobbed.

At that moment, her heart was full of regrets, she could not imagine she once forgave him, for
cheating on her with her best friend. She trusted him with her all being, this was the man who
taught her about love, and ruthlessly took away her innocence. She hated him, she hated
herself, she hated everyone her mother. She wished she had listened to her.
‘My daughter, money deceives, be careful when it comes to men’, her mother’s words.

After six months she was all healed, she wanted to forget about the past, she met a man who
pursued her, she was not interested at first, but the man was persistent, she thought he was
different and decided to give him a chance. She felt good having someone whom she can
trust again, who can shower her with what she thought was love. Things moved very first, she
slept with him and became pregnant again, and because of shame she procured another
abortion. This time easier, she did not hesitate on terminating the pregnancy. However, she
suffered worst emotional pain, she was filled with guilt, it never got easier.

‘I do not want to remember my life before and after abortion. I have cried enough,’ she said
sadly said.

However, she has completely turn away from her past and believe that she will be bless with
a baby someday. With that, she shares experience with young girls and women and guide
them into making rational decisions.

 

Misery by 

Winnie Koros 

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