Tell Your Parents You Aren’t Ready

You have exactly 14 days to go explain to your village people why you are steadily aging and still unmarried. Read that again. Old folks don’t care because you know, grandchildren. They want to see their “legacy” before they run out of breathing. They might even be tired waiting so they are slowly grooming you for a spouse down there in your little world of uncivilization.

Well in this new era, you probably wondering if they are still arranged unions. Sorry to burst your bubble, they exist very much. In fact from a study back in 2012, arranged marriages take up 52% of all marriages and have a divorce rate of 6.3%. ( Just facts, we don’t spread rumors here!

Why arranged marriages though? It is the 21st century and you can pick whoever you want right? Allegedly, parents Know you better and want what’s best for you! So they set you up with someone they feel will be in a better position to finish this jigsaw puzzle called life with.

This often comes after a series of pressure rants from folks. They took you to school, they have given you everything you need to have and you have earned yourself some more but why are you still unmarried? How is that possible? How can they understand the modern world trouble anyway? They were born at a time when immediately your titties started lifting your blouse, you are ready to have children of your own.

Such practices are archaic and depressing, to say the least, well unless the proverbial thing has hit the fan and you just can’t make decisions of your own anymore, or they are setting you up with a well-respected guy with loads of cash( because you know..Hii Nairobi!!)

So why do you folks want to marry you off? Mostly it’s because of dowry, those sneaky greedy fathers!!! They want a return in their “investment”. Also, to maintain a family status quo. ( This is for people who have empires to take over I don’t know if others can relate.) Most of the time these arranged marriages are not even for you but a “greater good”, and you know what the good book says? Honor thy folks so that your days may be added on Earth (who needs more days on earth? I want to be on Mars!! Anyway carry on!)

So your career just took off, you are setting yourself up in ways best known to you, your life is constantly taking shape, you have kidogo property here and there and can afford to send a little something home every date 28th and now you need a husband/wife!? Marriage is not the icing on the cake! We will have that discussion one day.

Would you bow to the pressure?
Considering the high cost of living, inflation, lack of job security, mental health and all that(points ni zile zile), is marriage the answer?

I believe people are wired differently and we live in very interesting times where nobody gives a damn about your feelings. You have to have something to offer or something to give in return. Unions have become transactional and things could go south pretty fast.

With the increase of crimes of passion, homicidal suicides and high rate of divorce, I believe that marriage is a road everyone needs to tread carefully on. Hizi vitu hazitaki haraka.

You can only commit yourself to something that makes you better, someone you can relate to, someone that grows your soul instead of taking from it, someone that is complete for themselves so you don’t have to try standing in for their shortcomings. Getting hitched should be once in a lifetime “investment”, you shouldn’t shortchange yourself just because of some pressure from people of generations before.
Being called someone’s wife is not as prestigious, having some liquidity of your own is, so is having your shit together. You are only ready when you are ready. Take your time.

Now, how do you change your parents’ mind on all this, well you have 14 days to figure out

courtesy of #talesbymakhatso

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